


Ambiguity

by KyryeDuBarie



Series: Haikyu angst. [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blindfolds, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, Multi, Roommates, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5267669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyryeDuBarie/pseuds/KyryeDuBarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tenth time it happens Kuroo decides to make it official.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ambiguity

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t- I just don’t ok?  
> This is probably the most angsty thing that I’ve ever written, and though I like it, yeah, I’m evil  
> And it’s a monster too, oops

The tenth time it happens Kuroo decides to make it official.

The golden eyed blond sleeping peacefully next to him is his kouhai and team member, he figures that it’s better to clear things up right now –though, with this particular man, Kuroo doesn’t think that he has to worry very much- and avoid causing a scene or a falling out in the team later on.

Kuroo’s room is disorganized, and the smell of sex and vodka hangs in the air along with the air freshener that he bought when he realized just how much he needed it, living with _Bokuto_ \- who barely bothered to pick his clothes up from the floor bi weekly-.

The younger man stirs beside him, forehead crinkling in an unfamiliar way- the familiar ways are a scowl or a blissed out expression, sometimes a mix of the two- it’s a few hours before dawn and cold enough that Tsukishima of all people decided to spend the night and has kept unconsciously cuddling to him ever since he fell asleep.

Kuroo sighs and lays back, figuring that he’ll have that conversation with the other when it’s a more decent hour of the morning.

The warmth of another person in bed has always been Kuroo’s weakness- even way back when he had innocent sleepovers at Kenma’s house and it was hard for him to sleep in an unfamiliar room, his friend moving to his futon put him to sleep like a log- and it doesn’t take more than a few minutes with Tsukki’s long lean body pressed slightly against his before his thoughts become fuzzy and his eyelids heavy.

So of course it’s just as he is about to fall asleep that an alarm has to begin ringing.

He jolts awake and looks around for the offending phone, finally, finding it beneath the tangled sheets –whatever does Tsukki do on Sundays at four am?- just to find that the alarm requires him to solve mathematic operations to stop ringing.

Complex mathematic operations at that –Tsukki is studying to be a chemical engineer, he figures these are simple to him-.

His head starts pounding.

As his sleep-deprived, slightly dizzy mind tries to figure out the equation in front of him –he’s studying law and hasn’t seen one of these in just about three years- a slender arm comes out from below the sheets and snags the phone out of his grip.

A squinting Tsukishima lifts the phone up to his scrunched up nose- he looks cute in a way, Kuroo muses, like a little kid- and in a few seconds solves the equation, quickly typing a number with a few decimals.

They both fall back on the bed, shoulder to shoulder “What do you even do at this hour on Sundays?” Kuroo says hoarsely.

Tsukishima groans “Go for a run, unless it’s ass cold like today”

They lie back like that, neither trying to make any conversation, Tetsuro’s mind however reminds him of that one issue, and being as it is, there’s enough time right now to bring it up –and possibly be disappointed by the other’s response- and it’ll save him from some annoying trouble later.

To be truthful, Tetsuro has never been one for any kind of affective relationships past friendship.

He takes a deep breath “Tsukki”

“Huh?” Golden eyes shift to the side, without glasses Tsukki looks a good two years younger, and the slight narrowing of his eyes is almost cute.

“”’S just, we keep doing this-”

The other turns to look at him “Yeah so?” an Ironic smirk crawls onto Tsukishima’s face “This is not you trying to talk about feelings is it?”

“Ye- No” Kuroo stammers, taken aback by the other’s forwardness “I was thinking that I’d better make things clear. I don’t want any feelings and shit Tsukki” Leaning his head on the other man’s shoulder, he whispers “But I’d really like to keep fucking you”

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow, visibly trying to contain a shiver “As if I’d fall for you, jackass” This earns him a bite on his collarbone, Kuroo snickers to himself when the other groans “So fuck buddies?”

“Pretty much” Kuroo lifts his hands to the man’s bare waist and strokes over the blonde’s ribs “no feelings, no sappy stuff”

Back arching into Kuroo, Tsukishima moans, his breath becoming little white puffs and skin reddening. He looks relieved “Deal”

Kuroo licks his lips, everything falls into place, and he’s more than hard when he pushes the other man’s back against the mattress and proceeds to bite all over his torso, plucking tiny, pleased moans from the other’s mouth.

.

.

Nothing changes.

Their drunken encounters are just as intense, and their sober ones just as filled with sarcasm and teasing- Tsukishima will never admit it, but Kuroo knows how much he likes it when he riles the other man up-.

Aside from that they meet at volleyball practice and sometimes at the houses of some of the Karasuno members to watch Kageyama’s matches, they talk like almost-friends would, full of harmless –or as harmless as Tsukishima gets- banter and volleyball terms.

That unless one or the other wants more out of a certain day, usually Kuroo’s the most vocal in his desires, cornering the younger man in deserted changing rooms or near empty hallways, -once even the bathroom of Sawamura and Sugawara’s apartment when everyone else was too drunk to notice- but it’s not strange for him to receive the odd text from Tsukki asking if/when he can come over –though they are just pixels in a screen, Tsukishima’s simple, sharp words feel to Kuroo the same that lascivious whispers would, were the blonde man a more open person- those times are usually met with Kuroo managing an armful of Kei’s cool façade bursting at the seams, stress and pent up emotions bubbling from his skin. Tetsurou knows how to handle those, he spreads the man open with expertise, until the offending emotions boil away and the other man can barely make a sarcastic remark that’s not interrupted by a moan.

Partials come and go and come again, morning finds Tsukishima in Kuroo’s bed a handful of times each month, but never the other way around. They have sex in as many ways as it is possible, and yet never crossing the unspoken boundaries they’ve so carefully set, his lips mark the other man’s skin with constellations the color of wild orchids and Kei leaves the wakes of burning comets down Kuroo’s back.

Only Kuroo’s roommate knows about them-and Sugawara, probably, he has that ability to figure out everything about everyone- Bokuto teases Tsukishima when they happen to meet, but he spends so much time at Aakashi’s dorm that it doesn’t happen all that frequently. As for Yamaguchi- with whom Tsukishima has been sharing an apartment despite being in different universities- he is all knowing smiles and never asks Kei where the bruises come from or where he disappears to in the night –it’s not like Tadashi doesn’t have his own relationship to be preoccupied with anyway-.

.

 .

The winter of Tsukishima’s first year at college manages to break records in low temperature. Everything with a pulse steers clear of open spaces and Kei finds himself living off of hot chocolate and delivery sandwiches.

He sighs and throws his head back, growling in an irritated manner when his glasses slip and all but snag his hair.

Cat-like eyes peek up at him from behind the couch.

Being in Kuroo and Bokuto’s apartment at normal times was never a penchant of his, but lately, with all of the running around, projects and the fact that Tadashi’s girlfriend comes over more frequently –they are both too shy to say anything, but Kei can still all but see the tension in the air and he prefers to give them some privacy- it has become a habit.

Also, the apartment is conveniently closer to uni.

There’s also the added bonus of Kuroo’s company, which more often than not translates to fucking to get rid of all the stress that studying puts on them

Not like he’ll ever admit that.

Even if today seems like it’s going to be a day just like that.

“What’cha doing Tsukki?”

He glares in the other man's general direction "Trying to read"

"About what?" Kuroo tilts his head to the side, looking very much like a cat. It's the first time Tsukishima has seen him since he went to shower two hours before and he had been wondering what had happened to the older man.

"The way Immunoglobulin beta chains fold just so that they can bind to the substrate" When the other man's face shifts into a dumbfounded expression he can’t help but feel a little proud "That's the simplified version by the way"

The other huffs “Huh, whatever, I could start prattling on and on about litigation too” he smirked “I’m just not Oikawa” It had been a shocker for Tsukishima to learn that the flamboyant man had also chosen law as his future career, though he could imagine him waltzing around a courtroom, being the intelligently rude jackass that he was.

Tsukishima huffs and turns back to his book “Whatever”

Kuroo pokes him on the side, right where the older man knows well that he’s sensitive.

With a blush sitting high in his cheeks, Tsukishima ignores it.

Until it happens again, and again.

The fourth time, when he’s about to yelled the other man, the long finger doesn’t only poke, it traces a line following the arch of his rib cage and up until it ends up circling his nipple.

He moans despite himself, and proceeds to shove the other’s arm off with a huff.

It comes back though, tracing patterns on his arm.

“Quit it Kuroo”

The dark haired man whined “But Tsukki, I’m bored”

“Well go entertain yourself somewhere else”

“I’d much prefer your hands, thank you very much.”

Now with a full blush that stretches from ear to ear, Tsukki sits up “You’re disgusting”

“Oho? So you’d rather do it by yourself?” Kei is sure that if his face gets any hotter his glasses will fog up and he will look even more stupid. Truly, they both know too well how much he prefers Kuroo manhandling him.

Kuroo is scraping his nails up and down over his arm and Kei can’t suppress a shiver. “Stop it asshole, I do have to study”

“What?” He smirked devilishly “I’m not doing anything that may affect you, since you apparently prefer to _do it yourself_ ” Kuroo leant closer and Tsukishima can feel his breath brushing over the skin of his neck, over the hickey that the other left there just hours before.

He flinches away making a quick grab for a nearby pillow in hopes to hide the fact that his body is being a traitor and starting to respond to the other’s teasing. “How can you be so horny all the time- ah?”

He feels the dip on the sofa behind him at the same time that Kuroo’s calloused hands snake around his torso and pinch Tsukishima’s nipples. “Hey- it’s not like I’m the only one” the other protests teasingly. “You’re hard already Tsukki, and don’t think I don’t remember the time that you came over after that Biochem final”

“I was stressed u-woah” Kuroo sucks Tsukishima’s earlobe into his mouth. He’s painfully hard now, the pillow is doing little to hide it.

“You rode me for ages Tsukki” not in the mood to study anymore, Tsukishima melts into the arms working him towards a rather embarrassing state of incoherence “And when I thought I couldn’t go on anymore you put that pretty mouth on my cock and got me right back up” He has succeeded on mostly pulling Tsukishima’s shirt off now and his fingers are pressing into his hip bones “So you see, really, having you around doesn’t really help my being constantly horny”

“Nnngh- Kuroo” he hates the high pitched whine that escapes his throat, but he’s a bit too far gone to care, even if Bokuto could walk in at any moment –well, it’s not like he hasn’t stumbled on the ace fucking his own boyfriend at least once- “Fuck- I hate you”

“You hate my guts Tsukki, and the feeling’s mutual” Kuroo licks a stripe up his neck while his hands grasp the length of his cock and Tsukishima’s textbook hits the floor

.

.

“-and well, that _is_ stupid.”

“Yeah, one realizes how imperfect law can be sometimes while studying it” They’re lying in his bed, in a rather uncharacteristic move, Tsukki’s head resting in the crook between Kuroo’s arm and torso.

Tsukishima snorts “And there’s no one who can fix it?”

“Ehh…” He pauses for a moment “That’s hard to do Tsukki, if we considered everything without parameters, it’d become too ambiguous”

“I see, so you take the error margin rather than risk throwing the whole system off balance”

“Yeah, pretty much, like choosing a consistent player over a wild card when the game’s just beginning”

“Oh” the blonde snickered “I was wondering where the volleyball dork had gone”

“Bah, here you have me Tsukki” Kuroo shifts to the side, head sinking into the pillows “And you’re as much of a dork as I am”

“Pfft, I’m not, I just happen to have ended up surrounded by Volleyball idiots” Without his glasses, Tsukishima looks pretty, Kuroo notices, younger and less serious, the slight bedhead just manages to make him look cute.

“Which, you are too” Kuroo knows, that he should be studying for the oral exam he has tomorrow, but frankly, teasing the blond is so much more fun “How’s Akiteru-kun doing though?”

Kuroo had met the older blonde a few times, mostly when he’d gone to watch Nekoma’s games against Karasuno when Tsukishima was a third year and a few times while they were in Tokyo and everyone had insisted that if Akiteru was nearby, Tsukki should invite him.

Tetsuro can’t help but think that the last time it happened, the older man figured out their little _arrangement_ , he gave him the over-protective older sibling glare that could’ve sent Wakatoshi running the other way.

Pity the older man was in Karasuno when the team was so large and so competitive, he shared Kei’s game sense

“The original volleyball idiot” The other huffs “Fine, planning to propose to Tanaka’s crazy sis.” There is a hint of pride in his voice, though Kuroo isn’t about to point it out, it’s hard enough to communicate with Tsukki outside of sex as it is “Dad’s going to freak, and Mom’s going to be in the clouds”

“The grandchildren dream?” He says with a smirk. Even Kuroo long since saw it coming, the tiny Tanaka girl had her foot-taller boyfriend wrapped around her little finger since they met again through their little brothers.

“You can bet on it, she probably doesn’t even care that he’s barely out of college” the scrunch in the blonde’s nose is somewhat adorable “Better for me though”

Kuroo laughs “I can imagine it, ‘You’re relieved from your duty of continuing the Tsukishima line, Kei’”

“Oh, shut up” Tsukishima thinks for a bit “They’ve known for a while that I’m gay anyway”.

“Oho, really?” it doesn’t seem to put much of a strain in the relationship though, Kuroo muses, the blonde’s mother calls every day, his dad every once in a while “Must be nice, they don’t really seem to care that much.” He hates that his voice sounds a bit bitter, Kuroo doesn’t even want to imagine what would happen if _his_ parents ever found out about him liking guys.

“Eh, mom doesn’t, she once told me she was sure I’d end up with Yamaguchi” Tsukishima purses his lips, well, now that Kuroo thinks about it, the way the blond pines over his freckled friend is very obvious. “Dad refuses to accept that it’s anything but a phase. Mom told me not to be mad if he tries to introduce me to his coworker’s daughters. Still, he reacted better than I thought”

“Still, you see, nice parents.” He starts playing with Tsukishima’s blond curls to distract himself.

“What about yours?”

“What about mine?” Kuroo says, hoping that Tsukki will drop the issue

“Do they know about-“the blond glances down at the sheets covering their naked bodies “You being-“

Tetsuro laughs, doing his best to make it sound nonchalant “No way” He looks away from Tsukishima’s golden orbs “Dad’s too far away and I’ve no idea how he’d react, mom would probably disown me though”

“Well, you never really know” Kei started “I also thought they would-“ It’s sweet that the other boy’s trying to comfort him, well as sweet as Tsukishima gets, really, but Kuroo’s head starts filling with images and memories that he’d rather stayed hidden.

“I’m pretty sure Tsukki” he interrupts the other boy, sounding harsher than he’d like “She flipped when she found out that Kenma is Bi, I had to all but threaten to go live with my dad so she’d even let me see him”

Tsukki frowns, stumbling over his words “Oh…that’s…really-“

“Shitty, I know” he takes a deep breath though his nose “I’ll have to tell them someday, but for now I’m just saving myself the trouble”

He’s aware of the other’s golden eyes staring at the side of his head, but he’d be damned if he turns around. Tsukki huffed “Makes sense, I guess. I think I’d probably do the same”

Kuroo doesn’t respond, and they linger in an uncomfortable silence for a bit.

Memories he hates far more than just a little have come to the forefront of my mind, things that he has tried to keep out of mind since he moved out.

Then a hand that has sneakily crawled over his body starts tracing the contours of his abs, pressing slowly here and there. It’s not very common for Tsukishima to take the initiative in sex, the soft touches almost feel like an apology.

A burst of warmth fills his chest, Kuroo knows what the younger man is doing.

And he’s grateful

.

.

Kei´s back arches off the bed almost involuntarily as whimpers and moans pour from his mouth.

It might be the alcohol or the blindfold, or maybe Tetsuro’s tongue licking up the remnants of lemon juice and vodka from his belly button.

Maybe it’s the fingers currently massaging his prostate.

Either way he’s very, very glad for the volume at which Bokuto insists to keep the music, even if it’ll probably get Tetsuro and his roommate a noise complaint.

He’s pretty sure they won’t be able to hear Kei melting outside, though of course, with the door shut and Kuroo’s room being at the very end of the hallway, he can hear himself perfectly, and he can also hear Kuroo’s heated words as his fingers slowly drive Kei into insanity.

“You’re shaking so hard Tsukki” that tongue darts out to lick at the shell of his ears “Do you want something?” The last words are punctuated by a sharp Jab of the other’s fingers and Tsukishima’s legs close on reflex, trapping the older man within their grasp as his bound hands struggle to find any purchase other than the rope holding them together.

“Ahh- nngh… Fuck Kuroo- you already know” He all but yells. The other man snickers and Kei feels him sit up between his legs.

Kuroo’s free hand starts wandering, rubbing and pinching at his thighs as the two fingers inside him still. “No, I don’t think I do Tsu-kki” His nails drag over the sensitive skin of the blonde’s inner thighs and the blonde can almost picture the dark haired man licking his lips, seeing him like this, spread out and all but begging “Maybe you want me to suck you off” Kei whimpers “Or do body shots off of you, like you let Oikawa do”

Tsukishima shivers “That was-nng” A single push against that spot and then the digits go back to being stubbornly still.

“You might even want me to get out of here all together” the slight sting of a bite at his calf and Tsukishima crumbles “So you have to tell me what you want Kei”

“Fuck, you ass” Need washes over him in waves, he can feel Tetsuro’s hard on pressing against his thigh, warm and heavy and “Fuck me”

For once in this whole ordeal, he’s thankful that the blindfold is on because his eyes are probably kind of pathetic right now. “Now, Tsukki, I have to stretch you well first” He’s probably leering now, smirking like the car that got the cream “You know that two fingers are not enough for you to take my cock painlessly”

And he’s right, so right, Kuroo is big and girthy and, fuck Kei doesn’t care “Kuroo” he growls “Fuck me now or I’ll get out of these things and do you myself”

Tetsuro bursts into a dark laugh, Tsukishima knows how he looks, how there’s a darkening to his already obscure eyes, how he’s looking at him. And then the fingers inside his ass retract before powerful hands flip him over and steady his hips, his face is pressed flat against the sheets.

Kuroo thrusts in without warning, and Tsukishima isn’t sure that even the music could have muffled the way he screams. There is a sting of course, almost overpowering at first, and yet he’s as turned on as ever, Kuroo knows his body too well by this point, knows he gets off on a bit of pain, even has caught on the few times when he wants to be fucked slowly and carefully, though Tsukishima tries to avoid him in those moments.

The dark haired man picks up a slow, hard pace that leaves him shaking, if his hands hadn’t been secured above his head form the beginning, Kei’s sure that he’d already be in this position anyway.

Kuroo leans down, pressing his chest to Kei’s back without slackening the pace of his thrusts “You’re drooling Kei” They never call each other by their first names, it’s so foreign and so-

“Ahh-mngh-ahh Tetsuro” He isn’t even coherent anymore, Tsukishima knows that he should have a sharp retort, but if he keeps opening his mouth, he know that he will only beg the older man to fuck him more.

Then Kuroo is grabbing the base of his cock, tracing his thumb over the vein and thrusting in faster than before and Kei just loses it.

His orgasm rips through him like lightning, his eyes roll back and it takes some time for Kei to be aware of anything really, but Kuroo is still thrusting erratically into him and pounding into his overstimulated prostate, which only makes Tsukishima feel like his brain is about to melt.

“Fuck, Tsukki-“The other comes with a groan as he bites into Kei’s shoulder.

When Tetsuro pulls out and stops stilling his hips, Kei collapses on the bed, exhausted and panting, the alcohol is making him awfully sleepy.

He’s barely aware of the party still raging outside and the pressure lifting from his wrists, but by the time that the blindfold is lifter and a familiar face comes into his field of vision, he’s drifting into sleep, even as he distantly feels a blanket being draped over his body and a muscular arm pulling him closer.

.

.

“-so I think it’s about time y’know man. You don’t get closer than we are and he’s going to be busier if I don’t do it I won’t see him as much” Bokuto is rambling in their couch and Kuroo somewhat needs a drink.

“Look I get it, he couldn’t well move in here, I’d never get any sleep”

“But I’m leaving you alone Kuroo, man, I’m sorry, you’ll have to find a new roommate” the Owl grins “One that can put up with _your_ crazy sex drive, glasses-kun should be back from Miyagi soon too”

“I’m positive I can charm anyone into _putting up_ with me” He says dryly, walking towards the fridge to grab a beer for him and one for Bokuto “They’ll have to get used to the noise though, ‘Cause I’m not giving up that piece of ass and he refuses to do it in his house.”

“Wha-? Why?”

Kuroo shrugs “Hell if I know, probably doesn’t want to tarnish his freckled friend’s innocence” it’s true though, the one time they almost did it at Tsukki’s he muttered that ‘Takashi’ could arrive at any moment and opted to blow Kuroo in the car.

“But isn’t that guy all but married to the blonde-manager girl?” Bokuto catches the can of beer with ease “You’d think he was getting some action.”

“Probably is, if I wasn’t hallucinating at our last party” Kuroo sighs “Tsukki’s got it pretty bad for him though”

“For real dude? And you’re still sleeping with him?” Bokuto’s usual energy wasn’t dampened in the least, as regretful as he tried to convince Kuroo that he was for forcing him to find another roommate.

“Hey, I have no feelings for the kid” He said, taking a long swing of the beer to flush down the nasty feeling that the words put in his throat “He’s just a very good lay, and fun to annoy”

“But still dude…”Bokuto drifted off.

“It was pretty obvious since high school, I pity the guy, really” Kuro says in a cool manner, there’s something unsettling about the words, but he isn’t going to let something silly like that bother him, even if it is true that Tsukki refuses to have sex with him anywhere Yamaguchi might find out, the younger brunette probably doesn’t even know that his best friend has been fucking Kuroo for almost a year now.

Bokuto snorts “Hah, like you didn’t have the most awful crush on Kenma back in school”

“Until we realized we’re not compatible in bed at all” Kuroo pauses for a moment when Bokuto stands and goes towards the kitchen, the owl comes back with an unopened bottle of whiskey “And then he started dating Hinata”

The owl snickers “I bet the sex with those two is like the fluffiest thing ever” he opens the bottle and pours shots for both of them “Let’s get shitfaced, bro, I’m finally shacking up with Akaashi”

“Sure” then the first part of the statement sinks in and Kuroo dawns the shot in one go “Oh, I’ve heard things, they are not as vanilla as they look, those two”

Bokuto bounces in front of him “Dude, I can’t believe you haven’t told me, spill”

“I stayed over at Kenma’s once when Hinata was there” Kuroo shivers “Some things can’t be unheard”

He really hadn’t expected them to be into pet-play, Kuroo wasn’t usually put off by people close to him fucking, but holly hell, it had been loud.

Before Bokuto could pester him for details though, his phone buzzed.

**_Megane-kun_ **

_Kuroo, can I ask for a favor?_

The tone was cautious.

**_Me_ **

_So long as you’re willing to pay for it with your body._

_Just kidding Tsukki_

_I’m all ears_

Interesting

**_Megane-kun_ **

_Idiot_

_I was wondering if I could crash on your couch for a couple of days. Just until I find a new place._

**_Me_ **

_You know you’d enjoy it_

_Sure. May I ask why?_

**_Megane-kun_ **

_As if_

_Tadashi’s shacking up with Yachi, and I might as well find somewhere closer to uni. (I’m not staying at Sawamura and Sugawara’s again, once was enough)_

**_Me_ **

_*wink* *wink*_

_Why is everyone shacking up?! (Ikr, the Whip Incident)_

_Actually, Tsukki, considering, I might have a proposition for you…_

Bokuto passed him a shot, the lightweight was already rambling to no one in particular about Akaashi’s eyes

**_Megane-kun_ **

_What do you mean everyone? (Yes, please don’t mention it)_

_Are you going to try to get me to send you nudes again? Because it’s not happening._

_Out with it_

Well life certainly didn’t want Kuroo to live alone. Though this could end up being nice, just as it could end up with them fighting for each square inch of space, but somehow Tetsuro doubts it

**_Me_ **

_Bokuto and Akaashi are shacking up too (I feel you Tsukki)_

_So you see, I find myself in need of a roommate who isn’t a creep and in possession of a rather nice apartment._

**_Megane-kun_ **

_Well, isn’t that convenient?_

_I’ll think about it._

**_Me_ **

_Good, let me know._

Kuroo turns to look at his best friend and soon to be ex-roommate and hopes that everything will go well.

He’s also pretty excited for some reason.

.

.

Tsukishima arrives with all of his boxes neatly packed. But two hours later, he and Kuroo are standing in a mess of dinosaur memorabilia and books on chemistry and he really, really doesn’t want to organize anything.

He did think long and hard about this, how it all might go sour, how living with someone whom he is sleeping with might not be that good of an idea.

In the end, however, he isn’t about to brave the university’s dorms or some random person who might be an axe-killer or despise dinosaurs. He already spent plenty of time at this apartment last year, and he isn’t sure how two idiots like Bokuto and Kuroo stumbled over such a good deal. The plumbing is sound, there’s no mold, it’s a bit chilly but there’s good central heating, and the only bad thing is that both bedrooms are right beside streetlamps, but a thick set of blinds took care of that particular problem without much hassle, also, there isn’t an elevator.

Rent is also very cheap and his department of the university is a ten minute walk away.

Kuroo himself is decent as a roommate as he can aspire to, he moved to Tokyo with Tadashi, who is as complacent as anyone can be, but from the horror stories that he has heard from some of his classmates, he knows they’re dying breed.

And from what he’s seen of Kuroo, he’s fairly clean, can cook though he’s lazy, and only seems to drink on weekends –well, Thursdays too-.

He only smokes once in a while and only his room, Kei knows.

“God, I would not have offered you the room if I’d known you’d fill the house with dinosaurs” The dark haired man says jokingly.

Kei grabs one of the aforementioned dinos and carefully places it on a shelf “Well, they’ll be in here so you won’t have to look at them.”

“Pfttt. Mama Tsukki is protecting his little ones, watch out” but he picks up two other figurines and places them on the shelf. Then starts playing with some plastic pterodactyl eggs that Tsukishima found at a convention.

Tsukishima glares at the shorter man “Careful”

“They won’t break Tsukki, they aren’t actual eggs” A narrowing of the blonde’s eyes has Kuroo putting them down though.

Kei looks down and the heap of figurines books and clothes and proceeds to plop down on the bed and stare at the ceiling.

He’ll get to it, eventually.

Tetsuro follows his lead laying down beside him with an arm over his face

“Y’know, I’m glad I got a sane roommate” Kuroo says, quietly.

Kei looks outside, spring is beginning “Me too”

.

.

Time picks up again, and really, they fall into very comfortable habits. There isn’t really a routine because they’re young men in uni and life is also a bit hectic and when it isn’t Kuroo usually decides that it’s time to get drunk and that sparks a whole other sort of messes that involves pretty much everyone that they knew in high school that currently lives in Tokyo and sometimes even some of their classmates, when the rest of the group deems them welcome.

Their apartment is big, and well-furnished and the neighbors don’t seem to be very bothered by noise, so, against Tsukki’s good sense, they tend to host most of the parties, since the younger ones of the group weren’t allowed into bars yet.

Aside from that, Kei finds out that Kuroo is actually a pretty decent cook and that he often saves him a portion when he knows the taller man will be late from lab and too exhausted to get takeout on the way back. He learns that Kuroo had a crush on Kenma when they were younger  -and probably still does, he muses, sometimes with pity, sometimes with a strange bitterness- but the former setter is smitten with Hinata. He learns that Kuroo gets along awfully with his mother and that he has nightmares sometimes which invariably end with Kuroo crawling into his bed –or else, Tsukishima shaking him awake, the one time he started screaming- and letting himself be held for a bit before everything invariably turns sexual. And it always does, if anything, moving in meant that they are having sex almost twice as much as usual, especially when they are both swamped with work and the other is within hands reach.

Kenma comes to stay over on the weekends sometimes though and Kuroo dotes over his childhood friend like Tsukishima has never seen him do over anyone else.

-It kind of hurts but he ignores it-

Kuroo, on his part, has grown pretty accustomed to living with Kei, sure, Bokuto is his best friend and quite a bit less grouchy than the blond. But Tsukishima is quieter and cleaner and sometimes he has little spots of warmth like leaving him coffee or showing up with pizza when Kuroo is halfway through revising the draft of his Thesis and pretty much buried in books.

Despite whatever Kei said at the start, his figurines have migrated to every place in the apartment, even Kuroo’s room for some reason, another thing that has come to transcend the blonde’s room is his earthy musky scent. Kuroo likes living like this, a lot.

There are moments when they fight, sure, moments when they can’t so much as stand the sight of the other, but eventually one or the other calms down, neither likes to let tension build into the ambient and they end up either eating something totally too greasy and drinking coffee at three am or fucking like rabbits in one of their rooms.

Tetsuro feels like he’s become too close with the younger man though, maybe a bit too much, it was to be expected, of course, since Kei is a quiet presence that the can actually tolerate to let in deep, and the blond himself has let him see quite a lot of things that certainly very few people know –except maybe Tadashi, but that hurts and Kuroo is starting to realize why-. Tsukki is the kind of person who avoids committing to something because he knows that then he’ll give that thing it’s all, and he’s also hopelessly insecure and he has deep fears of so many things that Kuroo doesn’t know how to handle and that just make him want to smother Kei in pillows and anything he might need to be happy. Kei’s prone to panic attacks when things pile up on him, Tetsuro once found him curled up in the couch with his joints completely locked up and staring into nothing. The stress gets to him fairly easily, and that’s why he tends to be so organized, because that way he can keep control and things won’t overwhelm him, but sometimes it happens and then Kuroo is there to stroke his back and his hair until Kei lays down and proceeds to sleep for a long time, curled up into his body.

Eventually, Kuroo figures that he’s in a whole lot of trouble.

.

.

Kei has never liked someone less than Kuroo’s mother. Some four months since he moved, she shows up at their door, yelling about some thing or the other, Kei is flabbergasted, unsure of what to do about the screaming mess of a drunk woman that stands in front of him, and he doesn’t even know who she is in the beginning so he almost just closes the door in her face.

Behind him, a warm hand clamps over his shoulder and he turns to find Kuroo with a strange expression on his face “Sorry, Tsukki, she’s my mom” he can tell that the other is trying to smile reassuringly, but it just comes off as nervous.

The woman’s face, however, twists into abject rage at the casual touch “I swear, you’re just like that good for nothing! Like that man! I bet you’re doing disgusting things with this man too” she shoves her son’s hand away “You’re a disgrace!”

And then she starts crying and Kei can see how sad Kuroo is, yet he calmly drags the woman inside and makes her sit on the couch.

“You’re disgusting, disgusting, both of you. I don’t even know how I could ever have married him, you’re both awful” she says, struggling in Kuroo’s grip. “I hate you”

“Calm down” Kuroo sighs, running a hand through his wild mess of hair “The neighbors will hear”

She throws him a disgusted look “I bet they hear you fuck your boy toy every night though huh Aoki?”

“You’re drunk Ma, dad’s not here, go to sleep” he turns towards Kei “Sorry about this, could you please fetch me a blanket, if I leave her alone she might try to leave”

Wordlessly, Tsukishima grabs a blanket from the closet and brings it back to Kuroo, by this time, the woman is already asleep, and the dark haired man has laid her on one couch and is sitting right across from her.

“Thanks Tsukki” He takes the blanket and Kei goes to his room.

It makes sense now, Kei muses, someone had been calling Tetsuro for the last month, sometimes screaming, sometimes crying, and the older man always let the room to speak with the person in hushed tones, each conversation seemed to leave him weary and drained, and often he just went to lock himself in the room afterwards or ran away to Kenma’s-.

The following morning, he finds a rather odd sight in the living room, the tableware is set and there are omelets in each plate, Kuroo and his mother are sitting on the table conversing.

Kuroo’s eyes are red rimmed, Kei knows it’s not from lack of sleep.

“Ohh Tsukki” All of the fake cheerfulness in his friend’s voice makes him want to puke “Come sit”

And then the woman turns around, she’s pretty for her years, and he looks sincerely mortified “Oh god, I’m sorry Tsukishima-san” She stands up and bows to him “I accused you of something awful, I’m so sorry, it just has been a rough month for me”

Tsukki twitches, in any other situation, he’d make a joke out of her, maybe even reveal that he actually _was_ gay and doing her son, but the expression in Kuroo’s face stopped him. “It’s fine…” He says stonily.

Sheepishly, she motions towards the table “I made some breakfast, uhm as an apology”

Tsukishima nods, and so follows the most awkward breakfast ever, from the conversation Kuroo is having with his mother it becomes clear that while she did confuse them for lovers the night before, the views the woman expressed were very much ingrained in her sober self too.

Thankfully, she leaves right after, and Kuroo stand up in silence, drops his plates in the sink and disappears into his room.

Kei hears the door slam and a series of dull thuds, followed by some grumbling.

He silently thanks god that it’s a Sunday and picks up the first aid kit from the bathroom just in case.

Once he turns the knob of the door, he realizes that it’s just as he thought, there are bloody marks on the wall, and he can see Kuroo half draped over the foot of his bed.

He steps in and kneels down “Go away Tsukki”

Kei frowns “After you let me see your hands”

The other flinches away, annoyed “I’m pretty sure I didn’t break anything”

Kei raises an eyebrow at the messy haired man “I’m sure I can be the more stubborn one of us for a change”

“I want to be alone”

“You’ll get that infected”

Reluctantly, the older man extends his arm, and just as Tsukishima suspected, he has torn his knuckles bloody.

Kuroo lifts his head as the blond starts carefully cleaning the wounds “That stings”

Tsukishima smiles “Shouldn’t punch walls then”

When both hands are disinfected Kuroo grabs his wrist “I can take it from here”

“You’ve always sucked at wrapping” He must seem pretty scary, because the other man lets him do as he likes, it’s not unto Tsukishima is almost done with the second hand that he speaks.

“She… found out that my dad really left her for a man, has been fixated on it since then”

“So she was the one calling at two am”

Kuroo nods and Tsukishima ties the bandage.

He should leave.

But he’s not going to.

Instead, Kei starts stoking the back of the other’s hand, awkwardly at first until Tetsu’s body slackens and the dark haired boy falls against him, burying his head in Kei’s neck, shaking.

Tsukishima is pretty sure of wanting to kill the man’s mother, after all, he’s known for a while that Kuroo has issues with his parents, but it is the first time he sees it up close, no wonder the other man has nightmares about it, no wonder he sleeps with a pillow pressed to each side of his head.

He ends up stroking the other’s back, it’s nothing sexual, far from it, and in fact it’s more comforting than anything else.

Kuroo stops shaking slowly slowly, and Kei gets a bit lost in his thoughts. Eventually, though Tetsuro grows pretty heavy, that’s when Tsukishima notices that he’s almost asleep.

He must have spent all night awake.

“C’mon Kuroo” He hoists the other man up, while wiry, he can lift him for long enough to deposit the man in his bed.

“Hmm… Kei… ngh” Is what Kuroo says when he’s about to leave and when he leans down to see what the other wants, he’s dragged down by a pair of strong arms. “Just let me stay like this for a minute”

And Kei does, Kei stays until long after Kuroo is sound asleep.

.

.

It’s warm, awfully warm, and they’re lying on the floor of the kitchen because it is tiled and therefore slightly cooler than the wood of the living room. There’s a pitcher of lemonade by his foot and Kuroo is very amused at the sweaty mess that is Tsukishima Kei.

“I knew there had to be some reason why the rent was so low” He says, fanning himself with some thermodynamic coursework.

“Heh, we found out like this too, ‘t is perfect the rest of the year, just an oven in summer” Kuroo has survived four summers in this apartment, one more isn’t too much “It’ll get better at night”

“Figures, that’s why I didn’t know” Back then, they’d only barely started having sex, so Kei tended to sneak in late and leave early, no wonder he didn’t know about the apartment’s summer curse ”I’m regretting not going back home already”

Kuroo blinked “You’re not going to Miyagi?”

“Nope, hadn’t I told you? There’s a summer course I want to take” Kei looks up at him, he isn’t wearing his glasses and his cheeks are flushed from the heat, he looks positively delicious.

“Aren’t you going to miss your family?” He says.

“Nah, not really, Akiteru is coming down with Saeko to look at bridal things and my mom and dad are probably going on vacation or something. Tadashi’s staying in Tokyo too”

Kuroo stretches, trying to hide the small smile that forms on his face at his words –and the little pang of pain that Yamaguchi’s name causes- “Ah well, I’m staying here too” like hell he is going to stay at his mother’s and the last thing he knew of his father is that he was in Hokkaido –it’s on his last cheque- Tetsuro already has a job for the summer too “so I’m making sure you don’t only study this summer” he wiggled his eyebrows

Tsukishima smiles “Right, you’re going to come at me while you teach children how to serve”

“Hey! The pay is good” Tetsuro brings the pitcher up with his foot and serves them both some lemonade –he’ll admit it, there is some vodka mixed in-.

And when he turns, Kei is looking at him in the strangest way and he just can’t restrain the hand that brings the other’s face closer or the one that snakes into Kei’s tank top, he can’t help but caressing his face and kissing him so tenderly that he might have been his lover, that he wants to be his lover.

 _I’m living on stolen moments_ he thinks _but it’s all I’ve ever been able to aspire to_

.

.

Four am is not a decent time for anyone to be noisily knocking on their door.

Not many people have the gall to do it, so when a bedraggled Tsukishima opens the door scowling like the other person’s existence is doing him a personal wrong, he’s not very surprised to find Bokuto swaying slightly, dripping water on the carpet and reeking of alcohol.

“Eh, Tsukki who’s it at this hour?” Kuroo’s deep, drawly voice is laced with sleep; he’s standing behind Kei, craning his neck to see who’s in the doorway. “Eh? Bokuto? Man what the hell?”

The owl proceeds to shoot them a watery grin “Heyy, Kuroo. Mind if I stay the night?” Bokuto steps forward, apparently completely forgetting about the step at the door because he trips over it, face-planting at Kei’s feet. “J’st askin’, T‘s alright if y’kick me out, the bar kicked me out t’night too” the owl says, rolling over onto his back and fixating his eyes on Kuroo.

“Idiot” Kuroo scoffs, crouching down to grab the white haired man and lift him by the armpits, Kei rushes to help, holding the drunken man’s legs “I meant the showing up smashed at four am during a storm. You can stay”

It doesn’t seem like Bokuto is thinking about that anymore though, because he’s rambling quietly at no one in particular with his half lidded eyes drifting from the ceiling and to their faces.

“’Nd you know, I love ya, ya fucker.” He smiles slightly to himself “But y’scare me lots and lots, cuz you don’t seem t’care nd I really need somethin’ to go on here. ‘m not sure y’care ’bout me anymore Keiji, and ‘m sorry y’know that, it hurt when you yelled at me”

They drag Bokuto to the couch without great effort, from his mumblings; it seems that he finally managed to make Akaashi snap or something.

Kuroo seats himself by the other man’s head. “Thanks Tsukki, I’ll take care of him now, you should catch some sleep.” His voice is low, as he lifts Bokuto’s head and slips a cushion under it, probably to keep him from choking if he vomits –and good luck cleaning that up if it happens, Kei thinks-

Kei nods mutely and turns back, heading toward the corridor that leads to his room.

He stops at the kitchen though because he’s a light sleeper, and this early/late, he’s probably not getting back to sleep. Instead, he runs the coffee machine.

Leaning back against the counter, he sighs, the softness in Kuroo’s eyes, seeing his best friend like this scares him a little. It’s not like he hasn’t seen the protective side on the older man before, it’s just that somehow it messes his insides up a little when Kuroo’s wearing that look that he has directed towards Kei more than once too –in his more emotionally strained moments-. Most people wouldn’t know it because he can be so cocky, but Kuroo’s surprisingly caring and perceptive when it comes to his friends.

Hushed voices reach him, Kuroo must have gotten Bokuto to explain the rather odd situation, though it’s not hard to deduce.

The rain is a constant, making the windows tremble, this storm is not a gentle one.

When he walks back into the living room, Bokuto is already sleeping profoundly, even breaths escaping his strong chest, and Kuroo is leaning against the armrest of the couch, seemingly bored.

He hands the mug of hot coffee to him, and Kuroo smiles, even if just a little “Hey”

“Hey” Kei sits in the armchair beside them.

“You really should get some sleep”

“I know” he sips at his own cup “But I’m probably not going to”

The other hums.

“Are you going to stay and watch over him until you have to leave?”

“Yeah, can’t have the idiot getting up still drunk and doing something stupid”

“He fought with Akaashi?”

“They broke up”

“Oh” Kei has never been the prying type, it’s probably Bokuto’s fault anyway. At times he wonders how Akaashi can live with him when he could put even Kuroo on edge sometimes- he chalks it up to years of forced coexistence and the patience of a saint-.

Silences with Tetsuro are comfortable at worst at this point –except that they are rarely really silences because the other tends to hum a lot- they are both drowsy and sort of burned out, so Kei just puts all of his weight on the armchair and sips gingerly at his coffee.

Kei knows that the other has an early class; he also knows that he’s not going to leave Bokuto alone for fear of him drowning in his own vomit or something, a small pocket of warmth expands in his chest and he feels sort of disgusted with himself.

It has been a slow, staged realization.

Because he had to end up feeling something for this man in particular, he just had to. Kuroo may care about him –cohabitating the same apartment and engaging in just about every form of physical intimacy tend to do that to people- but, he’s never really going to feel like this, not as long as he has Kenma to pine over, and even if he didn’t, Kei is sure that there are enough people out there that would suit the other man better than he ever could.

Maybe that’s exactly why he feels this way; Kei has always been a bit of a masochist –both in bed and out of it- so it only makes sense that he’d fall for the one guy that he can torture himself with in every delicious way possible and still not hate even a little for loving someone else.

It’s all really stupid.

He knows that he’s not enough for him. Kei’s a fucking mess. He can’t handle his own emotions so he just pushes them down and into little boxes in the back of his mind and he’s irritable and distant most of the time.

Suddenly mad at everything, he drains the last of the coffee from his cup and stands up quickly, almost smashing the cup against the side of the table.

“You’re going to try to sleep?” Kei can’t look at Kuroo right now. It’d hurt too much.

He does anyway, because he’s a smitten idiot who has to keep looking at the man anyway. Kuroo looks crestfallen “Nah, I think I’m going to take Yamaguchi up on that offer to go jogging.”

“Oh…”Lips forming a perfect ‘o’, it really almost looks like this saddens the older man “You shouldn’t jog in this weather Tsukki, you’ll get sick”

“It’s stopping already” the smile is a little forced, he’s sure the older man notices

Still looking at him with concern the other waves Kei off “Have a good run then Tsukki” But it’s Kuroo’s usual smile that greets him then, and he thinks that everything else before was just a reflection of the other man’s concern for Bokuto –Even Tsukishima is worried about the owl at this point, he and Akaashi rarely fight, much less break up-.

“Yeah.”

He hurries to his room, barely remembering to drop the mug off at the sink. It’s not a complete lie, he does plan to swing by Yamaguchi’s later, but right now he just needs to be alone.

Kei changes fast into jogging clothes, picking up his headphones and the pair of sports glasses that he still keeps after all this time on the way to the door.

Kuroo’s looking out of the window when he leaves, coffee cup empty, rays of early morning light sliding over his face.

Tsukishima doesn’t say goodbye.

.

.

Little prickles of pain aren’t anything new to him.

Tetsuro has had his fair share of it, both physical and emotional, like any athlete, like any son to people who fought at any given chance.

So when it feels like a tiny needle has been jammed in his heart and retracted at once, he feels the blood clot over the little hole and almost relishes on the sting because he likes to believe that it means that he has the person he loves close enough that he can cause Tetsuro pain.

Those little stabs came at unexpected times at first, but he has learned what to expect.

Tsukki’s small expressions, when he’ll unconsciously do a kind thing or listen to Kuroo ramble about something from his career that Kei has no Idea about.

They are all the tip of a scalpel, the edge of a knife.

Yamaguchi’s name is a whole other thing, it’s like the pain from an old blister that refuses to heal, and though you are prepared for it, it’s still agonizing when something rubs it accidentally.

He knew, he knew when this started that Tsukishima was most probably smitten with his best friend and the fact that Tsukki was sharing an apartment with the man only cemented that belief. Even when moved in together, Tsukishima would stay in contact with Tadashi, and the freckled man is still the only one who gets to see Tsukki fully, even if the relationship is so obviously platonic.

Of course, he gets peeks at the other man, but a creature so reserved, even when in an arrangement as physical as the one they have, is still and enigma when it doesn’t feel particularly close to another. And Tsukki doesn’t trust him, Kuroo is sure of that.

It’s already night time and he’s sitting on the couch which Bokuto vacated a few hours ago, hungover and determined to get back and make things right with Akaashi, or at least talk things through properly and not just through assumptions and alcohol.

Tetsuro is sure that Akaashi will listen, though both prideful, Akaashi and Bokuto have their limits for that, they won’t push their love aside for whatever insecurities Akaashi is feeling.

He wishes he had that courage sometimes but then remembers that he knows the answers to all of his questions already, not from Kei’s mouth, but from his behavior, which is far more telling with that man.

Kei loves Tadashi.

 Kei is using Kuroo because Tadashi has a girlfriend and as far as Kuroo has seen, plans to marry said girlfriend.

And Kuroo dug his own grave, so he can’t quite complain.

He wants to hate the blonde, sometimes and then things happen.

Like Kei walking through the door, soaked to the bone and unnaturally red cheeked –the rain started up again at noon, and in the morning it only really stopped when Kuroo went to class at seven- with dilated pupils and messy hair, wearing one of Yamaguchi’s sweaters that fits far too snugly on him.

That’s soaked too.

“Hey”

Kuroo hurries to the bathroom, bringing out one of the thick, fluffy towels that his mom decided to give him for Christmas.

Tsukishima is shivering, and warm enough that Tetsuro can feel the heat that he’s irradiating even through the towel.

“Shit, Tsukki I told you not to go jogging in this weather.”

“’m alright” Kuroo snorts at this, is his life going to be reduced to taking care of his careless friends?

“You’re burning up” He says, hurrying the blonde to his room “Get out of those clothes and get into bed”

“Yes, mom” Kuroo laughs, more concerned than before though, if Tsukki can only come up with something that basic, he’s definitely going to be sick.

Tetsuro also hates to be acting like a mother hen or a concerned schoolgirl, but Tsukki has always neglected his health and it’s become a habit lately, also, this level of not caring is just ridiculous.

“Y’know, Yamaguchi is going to propose to Yachi when the semester ends.” Tsukishima yells from his room like it’s no big deal, like he’s asking if he wants takeout for dinner- though with all the drawling from the fever it’s hard to tell- but Kuroo freezes up.

That does explain the whole getting soaked thing.

His heart hurts a bit for Kei, but it also hurts a lot for his own unrequired crush. “Ohh, so he’s making the move early, probably ‘cause Yachi’s so cute.”

“Yeah, probably”

He hears Kei’s bedroom door opening, though he’s fiddling with the linen closet and too busy making sure that the mountain of bedsheets doesn’t fall on him.

Kuroo’s managed to grab a hold of a spare blanket when lean arms slip around his waist and heated skin comes to nuzzle at his neck.

“I’m freezing Tetsuro” Despite himself, Kuroo feels blood rush downward, though probably that’s also because his heart is clenching painfully at the situation.

Tsukishima has been using him from the beginning, this is nothing new.

He grits his teeth.

“Go back to bed; I’ll bring you some tea.” Kuroo shakes his head, Tsukishima is delirious; the fever taking a hold of him too harshly to even believe if he wasn’t seeing it. He’s acting so out of character and he’s sad, he can tell that the other man is very tired and worn out, despite the façade.

Taking the blonde should be a no brainer, they’ve been fucking casually for almost two years and he _wants_ Kei.

It feels wrong, right now.

“Are you sure?” Slender fingers slide beneath the waistband of his pants, sensually stroking at the juncture between his thigh and his hip, coming to cup his already half hard member.

Biting his lip, he catches those hands by the wrists “Yeah”

The hands are gone in a second, roughly snatched from his grip.

Like a kid denied candy, Tsukishima huffs and stomps over to his room heatedly.

When Kuroo comes to Kei’s room half an hour later –part of which he spent calming himself down- with a cup of tea and some medicine, he pretends that the fever has him too weak to talk.

Kuroo understands, it must have been a very bad day.

He goes to bed then because is late and he’s been up since four am getting wrung like a wet rag.

Tetsuro ignores the salty, wet patch on his pillow.

.

.

Everything started over something innocent –and then mutated into a huge shitstorm-, Kuroo doesn’t quite remember what it was anymore because three days have passed of which he’s spent two drinking and one lying on Kenma’s living room floor feeling more like furniture than he ever has.

More than ever he’s thankful that this two months are supposed to be for him to put his thesis together, and he’s even gladder that the damned thing is almost done.

_“What would you know, didn’t you drop out because you couldn’t take it” He's talking about the university's volleyball team of course, the one that Kuroo quit in favor of his studies._

The two days he spent drinking were at his own – _their_ \- apartment but it’s not like that matters because Tsukki refused to so much as look at him when Kuroo didn’t manage to enrage him with his taunts.

_“At least I’m not a coward, at least I actually care about things, I actually have a heart” He responded._

_“No, you’re just a pathetic idiot who can’t accept the truth when it is right before your fucking eyes” Tsukishima said in a low voice._

Eventually he just stopped trying because he was tired and it sort of hurt to have Tsukishima yell at him.

A pair of small feet appears at his head along with Chessy’s paws.

Kenma doesn’t need an invitation to sit down and push a glass of water and a tuna sandwich towards him.

The cat tries to stealthily steal a bite of the sandwich, but Kenma picks it up and starts stroking the creature, which seems to appease it.

There’s something wrong with Kenma too, Kuroo heard him yelling at someone on the phone earlier and his eyes are rimmed with red and curtained in purplish shadows, but Kuroo is somewhat completely in his misery and in no shape to comfort anyone.

With a pained grunt Kuroo sits up, having to be at uni tomorrow is the only reason he bothers because he’s starting his required credits of practice and the boss already clearly dislikes him based on the way he looks “…This is hurting you”

Kenma is looking at him with his cat like eyes, he takes a bite of the sandwich and buries his hands in black hair that’s messier than usual “He gets to me too easily”

“Haven’t you thought about telling him?”

“’s not that easy Ken” he laughs humorlessly “And what good would it do anyway, I already know what he’d say”

His friend makes a noise that in Kenma-speak means that he doesn’t believe him, but they’ve had this conversation a few times already and the shorter man knows that Kuroo won’t budge and it isn’t from lack of trying “Then try to distance yourself a bit, it’s better”

“We live together Ken, we fuck too…” he smirks for a moment “regularly”

“You could always come live here” This makes his head snap up, Kenma isn’t the kind to offer such a thing, he’s too private a person. The disbelief in his eyes must be evident because the other flushes slightly “I-I mean, you’re hurting Kuroo. It’s not good for you”

And it’s all too true; he hasn’t ever been this much of a nervous wreck even back before his parents divorced, when they fought like it was the fuel they needed to live. But he doesn’t want to leave, the silver of hope that his heart still holds on to keeps him firmly tied to the life he’s been living and in a very stupid, self-punishing way he wants to remain by the other man’s side if only to remind him to eat and kiss his forehead when he is sure that the man has fallen deep into sleep.

It’s pathetic. He’s pathetic.

Kuroo takes a huge bite of the sandwich and downs half of the water in the glass. Beside him Kenma frowns.

“Oh no you’re not”

“What?” He tries to hide the reckless idea that’s taken over his brain for the time being.

“I know that face, you’re going to go do something stupid”

Kuroo tries to smile “I’m not Ken. I’ll just try to ignore the fucker, I prom-“One pointed glare dissolved his mask, he hated lying to Kenma, he couldn’t anyway. Tetsuro’s eyes stung in an all too familiar way “I’m going, thanks Ken”

He hasn’t stood up completely when small hands let go of the cat and with surprising force –or maybe he’s that drained and weak- pull him back, head colliding awkwardly with Kenma’s lap and part of the ground.

Ten minutes later he’s cried out his frustrations into his best friend’s pants.

Standing carefully, he says goodbye to Kenma, this time actually promising to calm down and solve things. He also borrows a scarf and picks his shirt up from the drier.

When he’s a block from their building he turns around and heads for the bar.

.

.

He expected the other to act like the fighting hadn’t happened, after all it has been three days already.

Kuroo can’t still be in the mood to fight.

Well, he has no idea because the other man is nowhere to be found.

He got home at ten last night, drained from extra lab practice and upon not seeing the other on the couch with his liquor and later finding that the older man’s door was closed, he figured that once he slept the alcohol off Tsukishima would try to talk to him like a civilized being.

This morning however, he saw that there was light streaming from below the door. Kuroo never left his curtains drawn while he was in the room.

A quick peek inside confirmed that the other man wasn’t there, a further search, that he wasn’t anywhere in the apartment and a call to the doorman, that he hasn’t been since early afternoon the previous day.

Now it’s eleven pm and as much as Tsukishima loathes admitting it, he’s getting worried.

He’d call Kenma or Bokuto but he isn’t about to be subjected to one’s awkward questions or the other’s taunts that might make him slip and the thing he needs the least right now is for his secret to come out.

Fidgeting on the couch, he decides that since class tomorrow starts at eleven, he can stay at the living room and read until two.

It’s one thirty when a rattle of keys snaps him from the forced spell of concentration that he only recently managed to encase himself in.

Since he still has his pride, he manages to refrain himself from running to the door and opening it like some sort of worried girlfriend –he wishes he could, but the little voice in the back of his head that says that is quickly smothered-.

Kei expects the man to come in looking all grumpy and reluctant, smelling of cigarettes and cheap beer though not drunk, maybe buzzed.

Reality is, Kuroo can barely hold himself upright, he’s wearing a scarf of Kenma’s and has just set his eyes on Kei like he’s eyeing a cut of meat.

The instinct to run towards him and help him not break his face on the floor and the instinct to huff and turn around, acting like he’s still mad –he sort of is, that damned scarf, but he knows he has no right to be- battle within him.

Finally the former wins, Kei doesn’t deserve this man anyway, and the other probably knows and even if he didn’t he’s so clearly in love with the short setter that it’s not like he can do anything about it. Kei stands quickly and rushes over to the other man caching him just as he’s about to walk face first into a wall.

Kuroo is giggling softly “Tsukiiiii” his muscular arms are extended towards him, like a child's.

“Tch Idiot” At this point, he admits that he finds it cute. Leaning down he puts an arm around the other man’s torso and helps him to slowly make the walk to his room “Was there any need to get this smashed?”

“Nah” The smirk is shaky “Or yeah? Dun remember?”

“Were you with Bokuto?” These states, in Tetsuro usually involved Bokuto in some way or another.

The other bursts out laughing “I cann drink ‘lone. I just met with Kenma anee way, nd ya know he doesn’t drink. Alsoo, drinkin’ alone has to be it when he doesn’t love ya”       

It’s like he’s just poured muriatic acid on Kei’s chest, the blonde tries to ignore it.

When they reach the room, it’s like Kuroo has found some forgotten silver of sobriety and he’s walking more normally, the slurring is however still as bad as ever but Kei figures that since he can now just bring him some water and go sulk and listen to some very depressing music in his room it doesn’t matter all that much.

He doesn’t expect that when he has seated the other man down, he’ll start talking somewhat more coherently.

Misty dark eyes look up at him, glinting with the light of the reading lamp that shines on the night table beside the bed “Are y’still mad Tsukki?” Kei freezes “’m sorry I was a dick. Kenma says I sho-“

“I’m not mad” He doesn’t want to hear about Kenma “I was an idiot too.” He says turning his head away and making to straighten up “C’mon, get some sleep, idiot”

But then there are hands wrapping around his midsection, a pair of lips holding a shaky smirk to the curve of his neck.

Tsukishima is pulled forward and on the bed, straddling the man whom he loves and who can’t quite think right now.

Could he be excused too? On account of pain? Or love?

He hates thinking these things, it’s not like Kuroo would object if he was sober –he’s only really done so once in the year or so that they’ve been sleeping together and Kei can’t quite blame him for that- But it feels like he’s being used and the other man is a good person, he wouldn’t do that to a friend.

Unless said friend was offering, and Kuroo doesn’t know about Kei’s own crush anyway.

Kei’s always been offering, even before all of this feelings crap and in a way he just wants to have a semblance of what he can’t, what he doesn’t deserve

Lips are crushed into his and Kei’s eyelids fall.

It’s not long before the other has turned them over and he finds himself with his chest pressed on the mattress and Kuroo’s teeth littering his back with bites that sting _so good_.

Somehow it’s like Kuroo’s intoxication is leaking over to him, or maybe it is the desperation that they both have to forget an unrequited love-that Kei is doing it with his is beside the point- Tsukki’s back arches into the other’s touch as the dark haired man quickly pulls down his sweats and boxers.

Not to be outdone Tsukishima grinds backwards and into Kuroo’s crotch all while bringing a hand back and roughly pulling the man in by the mess of black fair, planting a possessive kiss on the other’s mouth that may have been hard enough to make blood mix with the taste of alcohol.

The other man stretches him quickly, teasingly and he doesn’t say a word as he does aside from the occasional grunt at the string of Tsukishima’s moans that fills the room

They’re soon moving in tandem, a rhythm that they’ve built through all this time, they do have their times when it’s rougher, or slower, when one decides to be a tease, but this is what it’s like when it is all raw need to feel the warmth, the pleasure.

Everything else erased from his mind Kei screams.

Later, Kuroo falls asleep almost immediately after finishing, finally succumbing to the alcohol. They have always slept in the same bed when they do this, unless they’re in some other place of course, there’s something about the heat, the weight of a body beside the other.

Although he knows it’s his own fault and that he wanted it, Kei feels used.

He trudges to his room, not before leaving a glass of water on the idiot’s nightstand.

.

.

Kuroo wakes up naked and with a pounding headache, there’s a glass of water in his nightstand and it’s probably about six am, he’s pretty sure that the other man only has class at two on Fridays.

He remembers most things about the night before –the sex mostly- it’s rare that Tsukishima isn’t lying beside him.

He puts on some random pair of pants from the floor, but doesn’t bother with underwear or a shirt, autumn is right around the corner and it’s getting chilly, but he already feels shitty anyway.

Tsukishima is sitting on the sofa, with a book in his hands and a frown in his pretty face, there are dark circles under his eyes that remind Tetsuro that he’s in midterms and was just kept up for half the night by his pathetic, overly emotional fuck-buddy.

He hates himself a little bit more “Hey” Tsukishima doesn’t look at him “Good morning”

“Hn”

“Sorry Tsukki, I was a mess last night” He tries to sound cheerful, but has a feeling that he’s failed completely.

“Couldn’t _Kenma_ have taken care of your drunk ass?” the blonde finally looks at him, with poison dripping from his tone and a hostile expression.

Kuroo wants to retreat into his own room and never come out again “Well I didn’t hear you complaining”

“Wasn’t it obvious” the other smirks maliciously “Maybe it’s because you’re so stupid?”

“Heh” there’s something tightening in his chest, he wants to cry “Actually caring about things isn’t being stupid, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you Tsukki?”

“Tsk, what do you know, Kuroo” He slams the book closed and stands up so quick that Tetsuro barely has any time to react before he’s brushing past him.

From his room Kei shouts “I’m going to Tadashi’s for the weekend” Kuroo goes to run the coffee machine and as he’s pouring himself some the entrance door slams shut.

He feels the stupid wet trails trace his face, and he’s not even mad anymore, not really, it isn’t Tsukki’s fault that he doesn’t reciprocate Kuroo’s feelings.

It’s him, he’s worthless, pathetic, paining after someone so perfect, someone that he all but drug into his bed, there is no way that love could ever come out of that.

He goes to uni, researches the last bits that he needs, shuts himself into a corner of the library and spends the rest of his day there, even when Oikawa somehow finds him and tries to drag him away through any means possible until Iwaizumi drags _Oikawa_ away, apologizing.

He gets home about seven to a tall shadow standing in front of his door.

“You changed the locks bro” Bokuto is holding a box of takeout, shivering from the cold “How could you?”

“Owner’s policy” Kuroo pushes the door open “What are you doing here?”

The other smiles awkwardly “A few things actually, I was going to come over tomorrow morning but then Oikawa called me”

“The pompous ass called you?” Bokuto pulls a bottle out off his backpack and Kuroo gets some glasses.

“Said you’d been sitting in the library moping for a whole day” Bokuto’s eyes are hard, he pushes one of the takeout containers towards Kuroo who shakes his head. “You haven’t eaten since morning, have you?” Tetsuro looks away guiltily. ”You had coffee for breakfast again”

It’s a statement “I don’t have an appetite”

The expression on the other’s face freezes him “Eat”

So Kuroo does and, well, who knew, he’s ravenous. “You should tell him”

“Tell vho vhat?” He says, mouth full.

“Glasses-kun” Bokuto shrugs “That you like him”

Well if even Bokuto knew.

“Funny, Kenma said the same thing” Bokuto jumps all of a sudden, knocking his glass over.

Tetsuro runs to the kitchen for a rag “Holy- you’ve seen Kenma lately?”

“I spent a day lying on his carpet, left just yesterday” he deadpans, letting the fabric soak up the liquor.

“Dude, we haven’t been able to get ahold of him for days and after all of the business with shrimpy-”

“Huh what?” Tetsuro looks surprised.

“They broke up, man, you were with him and you didn’t notice?” Bokuto starts shoveling food into his mouth all of a sudden, and puts the cap on the whiskey “Hurry up”

“Why?” Tetsuro looks down at his half full container.

“We’re going to Kenma’s, what else?” He remembers his friend, he had clearly been upset, and yet Tetsuro had only thought about himself.

He starts shoveling food into his mouth too.

Half an hour later they have sprinted over to Kenma’s apartment and are insistently leaning on the doorbell.

Kenma opens the door, he’s wearing an old shirt and pajama pants and his hair is too neat to have been sleeping but his eyes are really red.

“…Kenma” And the shorter boy is all but tackling him, breaking finally and sobbing into Kuroo’s stomach. “I’m so sorry, you were hurt, I didn’t-“

“’s alright, you’re sad too” Kuroo smiles sardonically.

_I’m a really shitty friend aren’t I?_

“Uhh guys” Bokuto says “I’m freezing, let’s go drink inside”

Two pairs of red rimmed eyes turn to look at him. And they both smile, just a little.

Inside, it only takes some gentle prodding –and a glass of tequila- for the usually quiet Kenma to start talking, a stream of words falling freely from his mouth and tears falling down his cheeks.

“He had been weird since we went to that game” Kenma says, leaning back on Kuroo’s chest “And last Sunday he said that he couldn’t see me anymore. He said that he was talking with Kageyama again, and that he didn’t want to hurt me so it was better if we broke up. He said that he really… ugh that he really… liked me. But- Shou-chan-“

And then he starts crying again and Kuroo holds him and drinks straight from the bottle because he is out of tears anyway.

.

.

This whole thing is for Kenma.

Kenma, Kenma, Kenma.

Jealousy rears its ugly head within Tsukishima’s chest, for a second he even considers forgetting that he isn’t supposed to invite Hinata, if only to hurt the shorter man, and the next second, he hates himself for it.

Yamaguchi is looking at him with concern, sadness, they’ve never talked about what Tsukishima feels for Kuroo, but he has a hunch that his best friend knows anyway.

Everyone is already wasted though, so he doesn’t mind looking miserable as hell because there’s nothing he can hide from Yamaguchi and he feels pretty damn miserable, alone in a crowd of couples –Daichi and Suga, Lev and Yaku, Tadashi and Yachi, Bokuto and Akaashi and Kuroo hasn’t moved from Kenma’s side all evening-.

If he wasn’t so damn jealous and bitter, he’d let the sympathy that he felt for the setter show, even if Hinata did the right thing in being honest with what he feels and not ended up cheating on Kenma with Kageyama –and they all have known all along that despite their rather spectacular break-up in third year, those two still love each other- the whole situation is shitty and sad and Kuroo’s arm is draped around Kenma’s shoulders and he looks sad too.

Kuroo is a good person, he muses, comforting his crush when he’s been dumped, even if it’s probably tearing his hear apart bit by bit.

Too good for him, too kind for Tsukishima with his bitterness and insecurity.

“..Ki, Tsukki” Yamaguchi is calling for him, and he turns around, smiling as wide as he can because his eyes just met Kuroo’s and he’s still pissed off at the bastard even a week after the last night they spent together.

A week since he hasn’t left coffee for Kuroo in the bench and Kuroo hasn’t made him dinner and they have barely crossed greetings. “Huh?”

“I was asking if two friends of Yachi’s can come over”

“Huh, sure” Tsukishima shrugs “So long as they aren’t Hinata”

Yamaguchi laughs “Nope”

He’s happy to see his friend like this, Yamaguchi is glowing, and he glows even brighter when he catches sight of the engagement ring in Yachi’s hand.

Kei is jealous of that too, but in a better way.

He drains his glass and when his eyes land on Kuro again –still drunk and with his arm around Kenma- he laughs at his own misfortune and goes look for another.

Yachi’s friends turn out to be a tall, dark haired man and a redheaded girl almost smaller than her.

Kei is aware that he’s very, very drunk and he can’t even catch their names, only knows that the guy has very pretty blue eyes and is looking at him like he wants to eat him whole.

Everyone’s starting to leave though and Kenma’s passed out on the couch, head on Kuroo’s lap-

And he figures.

_Why not?_

The other man has had some drinks already, so it isn’t very hard to lead him into his room and by the time they get to Tsukishima’s bed his hands are already down the other’s boxers

The door swings open and the light from the hallway hits him full force, blinding Kei for a second, the man is ripped from his grip “Excuse me sir, but your friends are leaving” And when his eyes finally get accustomed to the light he sees Kuroo throwing the boy with pretty blue eyes out of the room and closing the door behind me.

His pupils are blown and his hair is a mess-even more than usual- the enraged expression on his face is just what Kei wanted.

_Yes, look at me_

Tetsuro grabs him roughly by the shoulders and Kei has never been more in love. “What the hell Kuroo?!”

“You were about to fuck that guy in front of my face” he growls.

“Well, you were so busy with your precious Kenma, and I got horny” He retorts.

Kuroo slams him against the wall, the dinosaur figurines fall to the floor “Of course, seeing Yama…” Kuroo muttered behind his breath “So you were going to use him”

“Yes” And it’s the truth, how else could Kei cope? “Isn’t that what we do?”

“Of course it is Tsukki” The other says warm breath hitting Tsukishima’s ear “I just didn’t think you were such a slut, how long had you known him hm? An hour?”

“You’re an asshole” He says bitterly, already leaning into the other’s body, force of habit, habit and pain.

“But you want me” Tsukishima can’t argue with that, so he smashes his lips to Kuroo’s roughly.

The hands at his shoulders shift to his hips and squeeze hard, leaving half-moon shaped indentations in his skin and Kuroo’s teeth bit his lower lip bloody.

It was more of a fight than sex, more violence than passion, both of them competing to mark the other painfully, deeply, bruises bloom along their hips and arms and necks.

When Kuroo enters him the rhythm is fast, rough and punishing. He takes him from behind, driving Tsukki to the edge and back however many times he finds it suitable until he is but a painting mess of bruised pride.

Kei wakes up naked bruised and alone at noon the next day, when he gets out of his room Kuroo is sitting in the living-room table and it doesn’t take them more than ten minutes to repeat the painful, punishing actions from last night.

.

.

“-he just keeps provoking me and I can’t- I’m so mad Kenma, so mad “Kuroo is leaning on his best friend’s shoulder, trying not to cry “And if I stopped, if I couldn’t even have that part of him anymore I think I’d just-“

“-combust” the other says in an even tone, Kenma has been taking his own break up with far more composure than Kuroo is taking the crumbling of his not-relationship with Kei.

“Yeah, something like that”

They are sitting on Kuroo’s sofa, staring at nothing in particular as the wait for Bokuto to come back with the alcohol, it’s their small celebratory party for the end of Kuroo and Bokuto’s University days although Kuroo won’t get the results on the examination of his thesis until the end of the month, but that’s all right.

“Where is he anyway?”

“At Yamaguchi’s”

“Ah”

“I’m not sure I can do this anymore Kenma”

“Then don’t, tell him” The younger’s cat like eyes pierce into him “At least get yourself an answer, You’re hurting yourself Kuroo, you’re drinking three times as much-“

The outburst is very unlike Kenma, but Kuroo can’t help but admit that he’s right, still… “I’ve always drunk-“

The younger’s glare shut him up “And you don’t know-“

“He loves Yamaguchi” “Have you ever heard him say so?”

“It’s obvious” He says.

“Nothing is” Kenma looks down sadly “Not really, you should at least know that, and then if you can take it, you can come live with me but you can’t let this turn you into a zombie”

Kenma’s earnest eyes are sincere, full of concern, and he figures that he can’t keep tearing out his own heart like this.

The door opens noisily and Bokuto comes in with Yaku and Lev trailing behind him “Bro, they had a discount on the tequila so we brought an extra bottle”

Tetsuro smiles at his friends.

.

.

Kei arrives at exactly four pm, he has something to do and he had planned out each second of it, each minute detail.

To his surprise Kuroo is sitting on the couch, smoking a long cigarette, fidgeting with the quilt that they once used to cover his hysterical mother up.

He looks nervous.

When obsidian black meets gold they both jolt “Tsukki I-“

“I need to-“Their voices merge and Tsukishima sort of wants to undo this whole thing because Kuroo is too perfect and his eyes are sad and it’s killing him.

Kuroo clears his throat “You go first Tsukki”

He’d argue, but the faster he gets this over with, the better “Look, Kuroo, I-“He almost chokes up, almost “You would do good to start looking for a new roommate for next semester I-“

“Tsukki I, please just I’ve been an ass ok and-“

Tsukishima blinks “That’s not it, I decided this a while ago, the Yagiri labs offered me an internship, but it’s all the way out in the north of the city, and they’ll provide me with lodging, staying here would be troublesome”

“Ah” something inside Kuroo’s brain seems to have broken “An internship?”

“Yeah, I’d have told you but-“Kei bites his lip

_But you hate me and we haven’t spoken in months_

Kuroo looks down “Oh, congratulations Tsukki, you’re so smart” he laughs “so I guess I won’t be seeing much of you now, gonna have to make the time we have count”

Tsukishima fidgets in his seat “That’s another thing Kuroo, I want to end this arrangement”

.

.

The violent pang of pain that lit up his chest when Kei told him he was leaving couldn’t compare to what he’s feeling, not by far, it’s like there’s a rod crossing his chest and he sort of just wants to run away.

“Why Tsukki?”

“I just- think it’s about time”

_He doesn’t want me_

 “I mean don’t you ever get tired off all the-“

_He’s bored of me_

“Yeah, I get it Tsukki, I was just about to tell you the same, and I guess we really are in sync huh?”

_I’m pathetic_

The blonde’s eyes widen, and Kuroo would say that his hands are shaking but he’s too overcome with emotion himself to truly be able to see it “We had a good time while it lasted, didn’t we?” The blond says, something unknown tainting his voice.

“Yeah” Tetsuro whispers because he can’t trust his voice not to crack if he speaks louder “When are you leaving?”

“End of this month” Tsukishima looks away “But this- It has to end tonight”

Kuroo nods, swallowing hard and understanding the unspoken proposal of the younger man. Kei has never been very open about what he wants, in or out of bed, he has issues with voicing what he feels but Tetsuro has learned to read his usual cues.

He never thought that following one of them would one day hurt this much.

Tetsuro crushes the cigarette into the ashtray and extends a hand towards Tsukishima, who looks up at him with vulnerability written all over his face, whose eyes close the moment their palms meet but he doesn’t let go as Tetsuro leads them into his room.

All that happens then, even later Tetsuro can’t quite name it, it’s something powerful, but peaceful, resigned yet terribly passionate.

The last few times they’ve been together like this he has marked Kei’s skiing roughly, with the urge to claim what isn’t and has never been his, this time he divests the boy slowly, gently, drinking in what he’ll no longer have, resigned to let this beautiful creature go.

It’s almost too much.

And the worst is when Kei touches him, when his fingertips grazing Tetsuro’s nipples and thighs as gently as Kuroo’s own feel as pleasurable as they cause him pain, almost as if his skin was made of a really fragile material that came unstuck with just the proximity of someone like Kei.

They fall into the bed kissing slowly, burying themselves into each other and he prepares Kei with care and taking as much time as it seems appropriate and then some more, relishing in the man’s expressions, in his sounds.

When he finally enters the younger man he makes sure to last as long as he can, elongating seconds and minutes, teasing softly until Kei’s body is drawn like a bow and he comes while Tetsuro smashes their lips together.

They fall asleep with their arms around each other.

Tetsuro wakes up alone but he never expected any less.

.

.

When the day for Kei to move out comes, it coincidentally matches up with the day Kuroo’s examination is delivered.

They have been fairly civil to each other throughout the past three weeks, going back to some of their habits but without the intimacy that used to coat most of them.

Tetsuro makes dinner sometimes and Kei makes coffee.

They talk about inane things, and there’s some light to Tetsuro’s face sometimes now –it’s never related to Kei, usually to Kenma or Bokuto, but that’s not something he wants to dwell in- and when that happens, Kei wants to kiss the man and stay with him even if her has to commute for three hours just to get to work.

He packed up alone, though Tetsuro offered to help, he figured it was better for his slowly clearing mind to put the past away neatly by himself.

It was a good idea partly because he burst out crying twice when he found Kuroo’s clothes among his and then had to compose himself to go deliver them to them man.

Kei was far happier when he unpacked.

He finds Tetsuro lounging in the kitchen, having made his own coffee for once –and woken up amazingly early for him- he’s looking at a piece of paper with eyes as wide as saucers.

Oh no.

_If he breaks down I-_

Don’t do this to him now, he needs the strength to leave and not look back, at least not while he was within running distance.

But what spreads across Tetsuro’s face is a bright grin and when he looks up at Kei his eyes are shining happily and mischievously.

It’s impossible to tell which of them moved first, but their lips are smashing together and they’re both shaking with emotion.

After a second they gradually draw away.

“Sorry, I got carried away” Tetsuro chuckles, flush high on his cheeks “They offered me a job Tsukki, they loved my thesis enough to offer me a job”

And with the sincerest thing he’s felt in a while, Kei looks down at the man that he loves and says “Congratulations”

They gaze at each other for a second that feels like years

A shrill sound comes from outside, breaking the moment.

“That’s the moving truck” Tetsuro says breathlessly.

“Yeah I’m gonna go start loading stuff” Kei looks away, what feels like a magnetic field has him anchored to the floor.

“I’ll help” And Tetsuro walks out of the room, breaking the spell.

With two sets of hands it’s all quicker.

They hug awkwardly, with the weight of just about _everything_ squeezed between their chests.

“Goodbye Tsukishima”

“Goodbye Kuroo.

.

.

When the truck is no longer within sight, Tetsuro collapses to the floor, sobbing.

.

.

At his new room, Kei stares at the ceiling for hours, hours on end.

 

.

.

And yet time does a lot of things, it dulls the pain, the regret, the raw wanting, they don’t speak again, both occupied with their separate lives and separate friends and sometimes making a conscious effort to avoid each other because dull aches are aches after all.

Despite this, they live fairly similar lives, both dedicated to jobs they love, both hard workers to the very core.

They play volleyball in different teams, they meet different people.

They ascend the ranks of their institutions, well recognized by their bosses and attend volleyball matches where they sometimes glimpse each other.

They kiss people, they date people but it always turns out not enough in the end.

And yet despite the dull ache, despite the old pain.

They’re content.

In a way, they settle.

.

.

“… So Tsukishima-san you corroborate that Takemura-san had access to Potassium Cyanide in the days prior to the murder”

The tall man sighs “Yes, he’d picked up an order about two days prior to the murder”

A cold stare fixates on him, Takemura Atsushi, employee at a power plant, charged with the homicide via poisoning of his wife and child upon finding out that the child was actually another man’s.

Tsukishima stares at him right back, the man has one foot in jail anyway, and he could be at his lab, working if it wasn’t because his interns made the damned cyanide.

After he finished the internship, he got offered a developers spot, it paid well enough and all of Tsukishima’s bosses already liked him, never having seen a more dedicated intern –he’d gladly worked extra hours and taken part in research projects at the time, after that one sudden realization and the way he had reacted, the distraction had been very well received- and now, a good eight years later he is the head of his own lab –which unfortunately comes with babysitting two interns at a time, though he does get to boss them around-.

The lawyer looks at him and keeps on talking “And the quantity, was it just enough to power the processes that Takemura-san claims he started once he went back to work”

Adjusting his glasses, he leans into the microphone. “To my limited knowledge there was more than enough in the order to do this”

“So Takemura-san could have kept a moderate amount of Potassium Cyanide for himself?”

“That is possible” This was pissing Tsukishima off already.

The prosecutor smiles to himself “Thank you for your cooperation Tsukishima-san, you may step down. Now I invite our next witness…”

He does not only step down, but also walk out of the room. The man will be convicted, all proof points to him, he has a motive and lacks and alibi and if it isn’t deductible by common sense, Tsukishima lived with a last year law student for a year, way back when, and he listened to him on enough rants about how these guys were so obvious sometimes.

And it isn’t like he particularly cares either –the only reason he’s here is because of all chemical compounds available for sale at the lab, he took the regular order for the potassium cyanide  last week-.

A long, elegantly furnished hallway stretches in front of him, the floors are polished dark wood and the walls are decorated with portraits of this one or other judges that had done one or other memorable thing back in the day. His only pair of formal shoes-he likes that about his job, aside from the lab coat, no stuffy clothing- makes squeaky noises as he drags himself to the hall.

Kei is very good at avoiding memories that hurt him, for example, he’ll ignore alley cats and never drink his coffee without an exaggerated amount of cream and sugar, never buy black leather jackets and on the rare times when he hooks up with someone, they will always be fair haired.

Usually, he avoids places where lawyers congregate, though this particular time he had pretty much no choice –and he doesn’t trust the interns enough to not make a fool of themselves-.

As a good masochist though, on the times- like this one- when black cats cross him or someone happens to smell like cigarettes and musk, he allows himself to wallow a little when he gets home –a few fingers of scotch, some jazz- and wonder how _he_ is doing, where _he_ is, if he’s over Kenma or still as blindly in love with him as he’d been the last time Tsukishima saw him – One of Kageyama’s volleyball games, five years ago, three rows in front, dyed blonde head beside him-.

The entrance to the courthouse comes into view, the main hall is full of people in dark clothing, and the high heled shoes of women make a racket at the stairs.

One of the many men walking in the opposite direction to him suddenly stops in front of Tsukishima.

He lifts his gaze to the strangers face

Black hair slicked back with what probably is a full pot of hair gel, the man in front of him wears the standard judge robes.

Kuroo Tetsuro is standing in front of Tsukishima Kei

**Author's Note:**

> The angst monster is coming to get youuu.  
> But really, I can’t believe this  
> But do tell me what you think  
> There might even be a sequel


End file.
